I’m so tired of waiting, wishing, hoping, and praying for something that may never happen. And the more I pray about it for God to take the desire away, the more persistent it is in my heart/mind. It seems incredibly cruel to have something placed on my heart to never be fulfilled. And this is just one of my many “heart aches” tonight.

The closer his surgeries get, the more afraid I am.

I will never be loved. I just realized that. And I can’t stop shaking.

I am worried sick. We all are, but it’s the only way the tumor will cease to exist. It’s going to be a long road with recovery/rehab/healing… Prayers are very appreciated.

I wish I could have it in me to run. To drop every single person, thought, feeling, and fear in my life. To never be attached to anyone, to never love, to never believe in a God I’m so weary of praying to, and to never hope. I just want to run. Maybe then things would be better for me. Maybe then.

I’m eating confetti cake with pink icing for the second time today. Hooray!