Lately I have been telling myself that I don’t want children because of whatever reason I can make up in my head. And I am starting to believe it.

But the truth is that I want them so much that I have to lie to myself. And I don’t think I can do it much longer. 

I broke down and cried. It felt like my heart was being physically pulled from my body.

I don’t know if anyone can understand the hell I am going through.

And I don’t understand at all God’s will in my life or what’s going on.

My anxiety is through the roof today and I’ve done nothing but cry. Can’t blame this on PMS. It’s not even time for that. So nope.

I’m about to cry again.

Isn’t it wildly funny that when you admit you’re struggling, people will leave you when you need them most? And they claim to be Christians who are loving, helpful, and always there for you? But they never are. Don’t be fooled.

Don’t ever take for granted a friend who is willing to listen at all times.

I tend to. And I’m sorry.

I could really use one right now.

I should have seen that coming. 

  • that I am 30
  • that I am eating a Go-Gurt
  • that the flavor is “Cool Cotton Candy”
  • that it is 2:33am

Okay. One more.

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Lord, give me the strength to get through the day with out a heartache, bitterness, and making marriage an idol. I’m not off to a good start.

I feel so out of place here.

"Don’t shine so others can see you. Shine so that, through you, others can see Him."
- C.S.Lewis (via cureformylandlockedblues)

(Source: delta-breezes, via desertmanian)