The first part of my dad’s surgeries is tomorrow. Please, please pray for him and us. I know I ask so much but I am truly scared. I need God now more than ever.
I am worried sick. We all are, but it’s the only way the tumor will cease to exist. It’s going to be a long road with recovery/rehab/healing… Prayers are very appreciated.
For the last couple of days, I have been doing “okay.” Reading verses, praying at every chance I get, and feeling connected to Jesus again.
I have been praying pretty diligently that if marriage is not in God’s will for me, He would take the desire away completely and fill the void with something else to glorify Him. Or, if it is His will for me to marry, He would suppress the desire and again, fill the emptiness with something else that glorifies Him and prepares me for marriage someday.
I know I talk about this a lot. But you see, my age really gets to me… If I was in my early twenties again, I would not be so scared… so consumed by the idea of marriage and a family. But, I am entering into my last month as a twenty-something. I am about to turn thirty.
While it seems I have a million other things going on in my life (that’s an exaggeration.. for the most part) with my dad’s cancer and upcoming surgeries, my education, my depression, thyroid disease, and so-on… I just cannot seem to shake this.
Jesus knows the desires of my heart. And I won’t lie. Sometimes, I really do make it an idol. But sometimes, I don’t. Sometimes I know that I have to lay it all at His feet, and pray that He works in me. That He does His will in my life.
Could I ask for some prayer? I know I seem to a lot, and I am sorry. I feel like I really burden the few that do pray for me by always asking… But please. Pray for my dad and pray that God would help me clean this mess up. Because that’s what it feels like… One big mess.
I meant to write this out this morning, but I forgot.
I was under some serious spiritual warfare last night. I woke up, went to the living room and it just started piling on. Everything that came into my mind was horrible. Images of death, name calling, negativity, fear, and it was like a black cloud was hanging over me.
I prayed for it to go away, and it did after I started to breathe deeply and count to ten. It helped me focus on doing that and nothing else. But man, I hadn’t had an “episode” like that in a while. It sucked.