Kind of an urgent prayer request.
Urgent to me, anyway.
But in case some of you didn’t know, I have OCD. And I am terrified of getting sick.
I dropped a birthday card off to my cousin’s little girl tonight and she was sick. If I had known, I definitely wouldn’t have been over there.
And, I am leaving for out of town on Wednesday. I can’t afford to get sick.
PLEASE pray for me. I have been crying since I got back into the car. I’ve done all I can by cleaning the car, washing my clothes, taking emergen-c, and I constantly wash my hands anyway, but still. I feel like nothing is enough right now.
I appreciate it so much.
I am not doing well spiritually.
I need prayer. (If it will even work. I feel like I’m too far gone.)
A day in my life:
Wake up at 9am and eat. Go back to bed.
Wake up at 2pm and eat. Go back to bed.
Wake up around 5-6pm and eat.
Maybe go to the Dollar Tree or Wal-mart.
Stay on the internet until 4-5am.
Go to bed.
And I am SO weary, God. I don’t want to live like this. I feel like I am wasting my life. I pray so much for change but I don’t know how to take the first step. Please. I am almost 30. My life is ticking away. Help me, Jesus.
Lord, soften my heart and help me to focus on things that need to be done in my life.
So, for the first time in a long time, I poured my heart out to God while I took a bubble bath. I prayed until the water got cold, and truly I’m still not done. I don’t know where this will take me. I don’t know what will become of this, but I hope it sets me on the right path again. I am so ready… I’m dipping my toes in the water, so to speak. If you would, pray for me.
I saw where my cousin got engaged. He’s 10 years younger than me.
For all that this family has put me through, I just don’t understand. Why them and not me? What did I do so wrong, Lord? Why do you keep blessing them in ways I have prayed to be blessed for years?
I’m bitter. I’m hurt. I’m angry.
I don’t get it, God. I don’t want to be this way. I really don’t, but it hurts to be happy.
Dear Lord, where do I go from here? I am aching for things I do not have. I am yearning for a life I do not know. I have no idea what it is in me that makes everything so difficult, but it hurts. It really hurts.
Jesus, I want to be a wife. I want to be a mother. I know I am not ideal. I am not small. I am not someone that is visually pleasing. I struggle with the fact that anyone could ever love me this way.
What if that isn’t Your plan for me? I am so scared. Surely I wouldn’t have such a deep desire if it wasn’t Your will. But the lies surround me. I am getting too old. No one will want me because I am too ugly. Too fat. Too messed up. Too depressed. Too broken. I could go on… and I gave in, Jesus. I believed the lies. And I am beginning to believe them again.
I know that everything happens in Your timing. But as I get older, the fear of never having these things are more real than ever.
Please Lord, help me through this. I am struggling and I am tired of the many days and nights I have spent crying and fighting myself over this.
Anyone need prayer tonight?
Just ask me. I really feel like God has put it on my heart to pray for others tonight which is funny because I feel like I haven’t heard from Him in a long time.